i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
