Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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