I faked an abortion last night.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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