never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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