I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
