You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
