just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
