Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize