i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
