im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
