Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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