you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
