Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
