Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
