I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
