I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
