Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
