we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
