If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
someone owes me an orgasm
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
