I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
