Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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