office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
