I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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