Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Someone came in the potted fern
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
