I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
