i barfeds in our rink
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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