you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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