gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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