Pappa wants mamma naked
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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