You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I love having hate sex.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
