you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
