i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
