Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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