goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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