So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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