Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
