I'm eating all of the evidence.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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