I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize