No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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