I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
