he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize