You're completely useless in the revolution.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize