I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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