dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
