If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
