She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
