he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize