I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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