OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
