Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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