Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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