I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize