Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
