He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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