She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize