I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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