Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
