so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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