No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
