Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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