my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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