Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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