yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
