how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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