hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
