the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
